"I know, I forgot about you too until they reminded me." Wei Wuxian didn't take it personally, he also had a terrible memory for people. Even ones that should have stuck out, by all rights. He noticed the way that Xue Yang was deliberately not looking at Xiao Xingchen, instead focused on his cooking. So he lowered his voice and decided to help the guy out. "His name is Xue Yang. Chengmei is the name Meng Yao has for him. Anyway, does that ring a bell?"
"Xue Yang?" Xingchen whispered and yes, the name burned was burned into his mind for one very particular reason. A death threat he got on his 17th birthday, written in red ink, insisting he would die for what he did. And what did he do? He told the principal, when asked, that he had indeed seen Xue Yang swapping the drinks for something toxic at the STEMS fair at school.
The realisation hit him like a blast of cold water and he stared dead ahead for a moment, his heart in his throat.
You are so pretty for someone so ugly on the inside.
You sanctimonious prick.
Aren't you always honest? Aren't you ever the pillar of morality?
Because I want to destroy you above all. I want to corrupt you. You think you're so above it and it took nothing much to drag you down.
It all made sense now. He put all the pieces together and now he saw it. Xue Yang. Chengmei. This was revenge. He raped him in the uber for revenge and now he was just toying with him. He was toying with him and he let him. This wasn't anything but revenge. He was an idiot.
Xiao Xingchen got to his feet and awkwardly bowed to Wei Wuxian. "I must leave. Now."
"Let me drive you, please." Wei Wuxian found his feet, somehow, and got up, bowing as well. He remembered his manners around this man who was so proper and who was definitely not completely over whatever he had been drugged with. "Xiao Xingchen, you are trained by Baoshan Sanren, same as my mother was. Please let me take you home safely."
Xue Yang turned around, having finished two pancakes. The situation was fairly easy to figure out, just looking at them. "Aish, A-Ying, can you never leave good enough alone? Stop looking like that, Xingchen. When have I acted as if this isn't what it is, eh?!"
It was true. He hadn't. He had always told, he was just the idiot that wasn't listening. He looked at Xue Yang and he knew that Xue Yang was being cruel, that he had done this to hurt him and he had succeeded. "You didn't. I did. I hope you enjoyed your revenge, you were very patient."
Xingchen stayed formal, as that was easier, bowing to Xue Yang before he moved to the door and tried to find his shoes. He was struggling to get them on, looking at Wei Wuxian with an inability to full process any of this. It was all too much. "I don't want to trouble you." He just wanted to go home and shower.
"It's no trouble," Wei Wuxian assured him, "I'll just get my phone and keys." And maybe he could quickly put actual clothes on because right now it was boxers and Lan Zhan's shirt.
"Fuck off with that attitude! Aish!" Xue Yang yelled and threw his arms up, then he turned around and almost kicked something, before halting because he only had the one kitchen. "You are so untouched, are you? So above it. I don't even matter to you. Because that's what you people get to do, up in your high buildings, head in the clouds, acting like you are helping anyone. The world isn't good, Xingchen, and you aren't good either!"
"I very clearly am not." Xingchen agreed. He cheated on his boyfriend, twice, he allowed himself to be defiled and now he had also taken drugs, apparently. Out in bars, looking to be corrupted. He was no good man. How could he ever touch Song Lan again with his disgusting hands? He couldn't disagree with Xue Yang. He was right.
With his shoes finally on, he stood up and looked at Xue Yang. So angry, so childish. Now he saw it. Now he saw him. "Let's not meet again." With a sad smile, he bowed once more, hand on his doorhandle, ready to leave.
"Fine! I don't even want to meet you again anyway!" He turned away, only managing one step before he turned back to look at Xingchen. Which was difficult, because his vision had become blurry for some damn reason. He rubbed at his eyes, noting that they felt wet. "Bet you'll dream of me though."
"I'm here, I'm here! Yangyang, go back to the kitchen, eh?" Wei Wuxian tried to push his friend in a friendly way, making his way past him to Xiao Xingchen. "Let's go."
He was dressed, half-haphazardly, which was often all he managed in a day anyway.
He didn't care to see Xue Yang cry, it was quite sad. Had he not predicted this? The reaction, the inevitable end, the revenge coming true. It had, he was a stupid fool and his life was ruined now. He felt such a deep, heavy sadness and he didn't think he could face his old life. Knowing who he was. What he was.
He opened the door and walked out, stumbling to the elevator and hitting the button. He was still dizzy, his head was pounding. The miso soup had smelled good. He hadn't gotten to try it.
Wei Wuxian hurried to keep up with Xiao Xingchen, standing next to him as they waited for the elevator. Once the door opened, he walked inside with him trying to find the right words. Finally he bowed. "I apologise. My friend, he--"
What did he even say to this mess? "--he is better than he acts. I don't know how to... I am not defending him, it is just that the way he feels is not normal. He is damaged. But he is not all bad."
"He didn't lie to me. He was honest about who he was." He just defiled him, corrupted him and humiliated him. He had won. And now he was here, feeling defeated and miserable. He got his phone out and saw 12 missed calls and about 30 texts. His stomach sank as he opened them and scrolled through.
Sorry. Been sick all night. I'm not well.
He wasn't lying. He was sick. Deeply, horribly sick. "I ruined his life, I suppose, now he has ruined mine." And he had waited so long to do it. Truly impressive.
I am sorry to hear that. I was very concerned. I still am. Should I head home early?
Wei Wuxian led the way to his car, which was kind of dusty on the outside and slightly trashy on the inside, but whatever. It was a way to get him home. He opened the door for Xingchen, smiling a little because he just always tried smiling.
It did not seem to work in this case. Once he was in the driver's seat, he looked at Xingchen. "Er, what's your address? Sorry, I'm not a stalker, so..."
He didn't know it yet. "And... I think you are harsh with yourself."
No, it's fine. I'll be in bed. Do need to worry. See you tonight.
Xingchen did up his seat belt and then told Wei Wuxian his address, leaning back in the seat and wishing he could believe what Wei Wuxian said but no, he was not harsh enough. He was going to go home and lie to his boyfriend. He was going to dream of Xue Yang. He was depraved and sick.
"I remember your mother." Xingchen said, as a way to change things away from himself. "Vaguely. She was very strong, we all knew about her. She was Baoshan Sanren secret favourite, I believe." Just based on how she spoke. "She would be so happy with how you live. Not in the mountains but in the world, with others."
"Yeah?" Wei Wuxian beamed at him, with a smile that he didn't know looked quite a lot like his mother's. "I always think that what she would want for me would be to try my best and do the impossible. So I strive for it every day."
And his father, he remembered, had always known how to make her laugh. Fart jokes, he remembered that. Much more difficult to talk about in a polite manner, however.
As he drove the car, he wondered how else to breech a certain topic. Finally, he decided to be blunt. "My boyfriend and I, er, he does it sometimes. Often maybe. Play like that with me. They call it consensual non-consent."
"She would be happy for you if you think in such a way. I suppose I am like an uncle to you. As strange as that might seem." Given they were not vastly apart in age, at most a couple of years. He barely remembered her but they were all children of Baoshan Sanren in the end. It was the way they had lived.
As Wei Wuxian circled back to the topic, Xingchen pocketed his phone and looked out of the window, feeling sick inside.
"I see." He didn't think they were doing that. He had consented last night. And the night before. "I asked each time so I do not believe it's the same." Even in the uber, he had made him beg for it. He hadn't wanted it but that wasn't the point. "The first time was odd. I woke up and he was there. And I was almost naked."
"Yeah. That's not okay. The stuff he did. He shouldn't have. And just because he is good at turning people on - allegedly, I haven't done it with him--", he clarified that, on the off chance that Xiao Xingchen would somehow weirdly be anywhere near Lan Zhan and imply differently, "--doesn't make it okay. And it's not your fault that your body reacted like that. The second time you were drugged. Again, uncle. It is not your fault."
Maybe if he addressed him like that, he would believe him. "He assaulted you."
"Yes, of course." No, he just didn't believe it. Wei Wuxian didn't know, he was a good boy and he was trying to be pleasant and kind but he didn't see it. What was going on inside. He wanted it, he asked for it and now his insides were a storm of want and hate. He was a dirty slut who let Xue Yang do unspeakable things to him.
"I have a boyfriend." Xingchen confessed finally as he stared out of the window, not expressing any emotions because he was trying to keep it all schooled within. "And I went home with him. It's my fault. Not his, mine. It's okay, I am taking responsibility for this."
"Xue Yang drugged you. He would have probably dragged you if you hadn't come along. I saw you yesterday, uncle. You were out of it. If you liked what he did to you, that is because what he did was physically pleasant. But you made no conscious choice to be with him." Apparently he could not get him to believe that. Wei Wuxian sighed, shaking his head. "Please, don't feel so badly about yourself. I am certain your boyfriend would understand. And want to kill Chengmei, of course."
"I won't tell him. It would only cause hurt. This time will die with me." Xingchen confessed as he saw his house aside and felt that same horrible churning feeling of guilt. He checked his pocket and found his key, grateful it was still there. "Thank you for the ride and being so honest with me."
He smiled at Wei Wuxian, subdued but trying. "Perhaps one day we could go up the mountain. I can never return to Baoshan Sanren but there are gardens just beneath the mountains. It is said that the spirits of our people live there after death. Perhaps we could bring your mother a token."
"I would like that very much, uncle. Nobody will talk to me about my mother usually, because they think she was a disgrace by the end and so am I." Wei Wuxian shrugged, quite used to being a disgrace by now. He wasn't that bothered.
He stopped the car and turned to face Xiao Xingchen fully, bowing his head. "I will hit you up on instagram. As they say." After all, Xue Yang definitely had access there.
Xingchen got out of the car and bowed once more to Wei Wuxian before he took his key out of his pocket and unlocked the door. It wasn't into he was in the house that he allowed himself to cry. He lay on the floor, sobbing, just letting himself hurt before he had to pretend.
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toxicbaes2025-04-10 09:08 pm
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He assumed it would.
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The realisation hit him like a blast of cold water and he stared dead ahead for a moment, his heart in his throat.
You are so pretty for someone so ugly on the inside.
You sanctimonious prick.
Aren't you always honest? Aren't you ever the pillar of morality?
Because I want to destroy you above all. I want to corrupt you. You think you're so above it and it took nothing much to drag you down.
It all made sense now. He put all the pieces together and now he saw it. Xue Yang. Chengmei. This was revenge. He raped him in the uber for revenge and now he was just toying with him. He was toying with him and he let him. This wasn't anything but revenge. He was an idiot.
Xiao Xingchen got to his feet and awkwardly bowed to Wei Wuxian. "I must leave. Now."
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Xue Yang turned around, having finished two pancakes. The situation was fairly easy to figure out, just looking at them. "Aish, A-Ying, can you never leave good enough alone? Stop looking like that, Xingchen. When have I acted as if this isn't what it is, eh?!"
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Xingchen stayed formal, as that was easier, bowing to Xue Yang before he moved to the door and tried to find his shoes. He was struggling to get them on, looking at Wei Wuxian with an inability to full process any of this. It was all too much. "I don't want to trouble you." He just wanted to go home and shower.
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"Fuck off with that attitude! Aish!" Xue Yang yelled and threw his arms up, then he turned around and almost kicked something, before halting because he only had the one kitchen. "You are so untouched, are you? So above it. I don't even matter to you. Because that's what you people get to do, up in your high buildings, head in the clouds, acting like you are helping anyone. The world isn't good, Xingchen, and you aren't good either!"
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With his shoes finally on, he stood up and looked at Xue Yang. So angry, so childish. Now he saw it. Now he saw him. "Let's not meet again." With a sad smile, he bowed once more, hand on his doorhandle, ready to leave.
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"I'm here, I'm here! Yangyang, go back to the kitchen, eh?" Wei Wuxian tried to push his friend in a friendly way, making his way past him to Xiao Xingchen. "Let's go."
He was dressed, half-haphazardly, which was often all he managed in a day anyway.
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He opened the door and walked out, stumbling to the elevator and hitting the button. He was still dizzy, his head was pounding. The miso soup had smelled good. He hadn't gotten to try it.
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What did he even say to this mess? "--he is better than he acts. I don't know how to... I am not defending him, it is just that the way he feels is not normal. He is damaged. But he is not all bad."
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Sorry.
Been sick all night.
I'm not well.
He wasn't lying. He was sick. Deeply, horribly sick. "I ruined his life, I suppose, now he has ruined mine." And he had waited so long to do it. Truly impressive.
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Wei Wuxian led the way to his car, which was kind of dusty on the outside and slightly trashy on the inside, but whatever. It was a way to get him home. He opened the door for Xingchen, smiling a little because he just always tried smiling.
It did not seem to work in this case. Once he was in the driver's seat, he looked at Xingchen. "Er, what's your address? Sorry, I'm not a stalker, so..."
He didn't know it yet. "And... I think you are harsh with yourself."
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Do need to worry.
See you tonight.
Xingchen did up his seat belt and then told Wei Wuxian his address, leaning back in the seat and wishing he could believe what Wei Wuxian said but no, he was not harsh enough. He was going to go home and lie to his boyfriend. He was going to dream of Xue Yang. He was depraved and sick.
"I remember your mother." Xingchen said, as a way to change things away from himself. "Vaguely. She was very strong, we all knew about her. She was Baoshan Sanren secret favourite, I believe." Just based on how she spoke. "She would be so happy with how you live. Not in the mountains but in the world, with others."
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And his father, he remembered, had always known how to make her laugh. Fart jokes, he remembered that. Much more difficult to talk about in a polite manner, however.
As he drove the car, he wondered how else to breech a certain topic. Finally, he decided to be blunt. "My boyfriend and I, er, he does it sometimes. Often maybe. Play like that with me. They call it consensual non-consent."
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As Wei Wuxian circled back to the topic, Xingchen pocketed his phone and looked out of the window, feeling sick inside.
"I see." He didn't think they were doing that. He had consented last night. And the night before. "I asked each time so I do not believe it's the same." Even in the uber, he had made him beg for it. He hadn't wanted it but that wasn't the point. "The first time was odd. I woke up and he was there. And I was almost naked."
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Maybe if he addressed him like that, he would believe him. "He assaulted you."
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"I have a boyfriend." Xingchen confessed finally as he stared out of the window, not expressing any emotions because he was trying to keep it all schooled within. "And I went home with him. It's my fault. Not his, mine. It's okay, I am taking responsibility for this."
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He smiled at Wei Wuxian, subdued but trying. "Perhaps one day we could go up the mountain. I can never return to Baoshan Sanren but there are gardens just beneath the mountains. It is said that the spirits of our people live there after death. Perhaps we could bring your mother a token."
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He stopped the car and turned to face Xiao Xingchen fully, bowing his head. "I will hit you up on instagram. As they say." After all, Xue Yang definitely had access there.
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Xingchen got out of the car and bowed once more to Wei Wuxian before he took his key out of his pocket and unlocked the door. It wasn't into he was in the house that he allowed himself to cry. He lay on the floor, sobbing, just letting himself hurt before he had to pretend.