He didn't care to see Xue Yang cry, it was quite sad. Had he not predicted this? The reaction, the inevitable end, the revenge coming true. It had, he was a stupid fool and his life was ruined now. He felt such a deep, heavy sadness and he didn't think he could face his old life. Knowing who he was. What he was.
He opened the door and walked out, stumbling to the elevator and hitting the button. He was still dizzy, his head was pounding. The miso soup had smelled good. He hadn't gotten to try it.
Wei Wuxian hurried to keep up with Xiao Xingchen, standing next to him as they waited for the elevator. Once the door opened, he walked inside with him trying to find the right words. Finally he bowed. "I apologise. My friend, he--"
What did he even say to this mess? "--he is better than he acts. I don't know how to... I am not defending him, it is just that the way he feels is not normal. He is damaged. But he is not all bad."
"He didn't lie to me. He was honest about who he was." He just defiled him, corrupted him and humiliated him. He had won. And now he was here, feeling defeated and miserable. He got his phone out and saw 12 missed calls and about 30 texts. His stomach sank as he opened them and scrolled through.
Sorry. Been sick all night. I'm not well.
He wasn't lying. He was sick. Deeply, horribly sick. "I ruined his life, I suppose, now he has ruined mine." And he had waited so long to do it. Truly impressive.
I am sorry to hear that. I was very concerned. I still am. Should I head home early?
Wei Wuxian led the way to his car, which was kind of dusty on the outside and slightly trashy on the inside, but whatever. It was a way to get him home. He opened the door for Xingchen, smiling a little because he just always tried smiling.
It did not seem to work in this case. Once he was in the driver's seat, he looked at Xingchen. "Er, what's your address? Sorry, I'm not a stalker, so..."
He didn't know it yet. "And... I think you are harsh with yourself."
No, it's fine. I'll be in bed. Do need to worry. See you tonight.
Xingchen did up his seat belt and then told Wei Wuxian his address, leaning back in the seat and wishing he could believe what Wei Wuxian said but no, he was not harsh enough. He was going to go home and lie to his boyfriend. He was going to dream of Xue Yang. He was depraved and sick.
"I remember your mother." Xingchen said, as a way to change things away from himself. "Vaguely. She was very strong, we all knew about her. She was Baoshan Sanren secret favourite, I believe." Just based on how she spoke. "She would be so happy with how you live. Not in the mountains but in the world, with others."
"Yeah?" Wei Wuxian beamed at him, with a smile that he didn't know looked quite a lot like his mother's. "I always think that what she would want for me would be to try my best and do the impossible. So I strive for it every day."
And his father, he remembered, had always known how to make her laugh. Fart jokes, he remembered that. Much more difficult to talk about in a polite manner, however.
As he drove the car, he wondered how else to breech a certain topic. Finally, he decided to be blunt. "My boyfriend and I, er, he does it sometimes. Often maybe. Play like that with me. They call it consensual non-consent."
"She would be happy for you if you think in such a way. I suppose I am like an uncle to you. As strange as that might seem." Given they were not vastly apart in age, at most a couple of years. He barely remembered her but they were all children of Baoshan Sanren in the end. It was the way they had lived.
As Wei Wuxian circled back to the topic, Xingchen pocketed his phone and looked out of the window, feeling sick inside.
"I see." He didn't think they were doing that. He had consented last night. And the night before. "I asked each time so I do not believe it's the same." Even in the uber, he had made him beg for it. He hadn't wanted it but that wasn't the point. "The first time was odd. I woke up and he was there. And I was almost naked."
"Yeah. That's not okay. The stuff he did. He shouldn't have. And just because he is good at turning people on - allegedly, I haven't done it with him--", he clarified that, on the off chance that Xiao Xingchen would somehow weirdly be anywhere near Lan Zhan and imply differently, "--doesn't make it okay. And it's not your fault that your body reacted like that. The second time you were drugged. Again, uncle. It is not your fault."
Maybe if he addressed him like that, he would believe him. "He assaulted you."
"Yes, of course." No, he just didn't believe it. Wei Wuxian didn't know, he was a good boy and he was trying to be pleasant and kind but he didn't see it. What was going on inside. He wanted it, he asked for it and now his insides were a storm of want and hate. He was a dirty slut who let Xue Yang do unspeakable things to him.
"I have a boyfriend." Xingchen confessed finally as he stared out of the window, not expressing any emotions because he was trying to keep it all schooled within. "And I went home with him. It's my fault. Not his, mine. It's okay, I am taking responsibility for this."
"Xue Yang drugged you. He would have probably dragged you if you hadn't come along. I saw you yesterday, uncle. You were out of it. If you liked what he did to you, that is because what he did was physically pleasant. But you made no conscious choice to be with him." Apparently he could not get him to believe that. Wei Wuxian sighed, shaking his head. "Please, don't feel so badly about yourself. I am certain your boyfriend would understand. And want to kill Chengmei, of course."
"I won't tell him. It would only cause hurt. This time will die with me." Xingchen confessed as he saw his house aside and felt that same horrible churning feeling of guilt. He checked his pocket and found his key, grateful it was still there. "Thank you for the ride and being so honest with me."
He smiled at Wei Wuxian, subdued but trying. "Perhaps one day we could go up the mountain. I can never return to Baoshan Sanren but there are gardens just beneath the mountains. It is said that the spirits of our people live there after death. Perhaps we could bring your mother a token."
"I would like that very much, uncle. Nobody will talk to me about my mother usually, because they think she was a disgrace by the end and so am I." Wei Wuxian shrugged, quite used to being a disgrace by now. He wasn't that bothered.
He stopped the car and turned to face Xiao Xingchen fully, bowing his head. "I will hit you up on instagram. As they say." After all, Xue Yang definitely had access there.
Xingchen got out of the car and bowed once more to Wei Wuxian before he took his key out of his pocket and unlocked the door. It wasn't into he was in the house that he allowed himself to cry. He lay on the floor, sobbing, just letting himself hurt before he had to pretend.
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toxicbaes2025-04-10 09:08 pm
no subject
He opened the door and walked out, stumbling to the elevator and hitting the button. He was still dizzy, his head was pounding. The miso soup had smelled good. He hadn't gotten to try it.
no subject
What did he even say to this mess? "--he is better than he acts. I don't know how to... I am not defending him, it is just that the way he feels is not normal. He is damaged. But he is not all bad."
no subject
Sorry.
Been sick all night.
I'm not well.
He wasn't lying. He was sick. Deeply, horribly sick. "I ruined his life, I suppose, now he has ruined mine." And he had waited so long to do it. Truly impressive.
no subject
Wei Wuxian led the way to his car, which was kind of dusty on the outside and slightly trashy on the inside, but whatever. It was a way to get him home. He opened the door for Xingchen, smiling a little because he just always tried smiling.
It did not seem to work in this case. Once he was in the driver's seat, he looked at Xingchen. "Er, what's your address? Sorry, I'm not a stalker, so..."
He didn't know it yet. "And... I think you are harsh with yourself."
no subject
Do need to worry.
See you tonight.
Xingchen did up his seat belt and then told Wei Wuxian his address, leaning back in the seat and wishing he could believe what Wei Wuxian said but no, he was not harsh enough. He was going to go home and lie to his boyfriend. He was going to dream of Xue Yang. He was depraved and sick.
"I remember your mother." Xingchen said, as a way to change things away from himself. "Vaguely. She was very strong, we all knew about her. She was Baoshan Sanren secret favourite, I believe." Just based on how she spoke. "She would be so happy with how you live. Not in the mountains but in the world, with others."
no subject
And his father, he remembered, had always known how to make her laugh. Fart jokes, he remembered that. Much more difficult to talk about in a polite manner, however.
As he drove the car, he wondered how else to breech a certain topic. Finally, he decided to be blunt. "My boyfriend and I, er, he does it sometimes. Often maybe. Play like that with me. They call it consensual non-consent."
no subject
As Wei Wuxian circled back to the topic, Xingchen pocketed his phone and looked out of the window, feeling sick inside.
"I see." He didn't think they were doing that. He had consented last night. And the night before. "I asked each time so I do not believe it's the same." Even in the uber, he had made him beg for it. He hadn't wanted it but that wasn't the point. "The first time was odd. I woke up and he was there. And I was almost naked."
no subject
Maybe if he addressed him like that, he would believe him. "He assaulted you."
no subject
"I have a boyfriend." Xingchen confessed finally as he stared out of the window, not expressing any emotions because he was trying to keep it all schooled within. "And I went home with him. It's my fault. Not his, mine. It's okay, I am taking responsibility for this."
no subject
no subject
He smiled at Wei Wuxian, subdued but trying. "Perhaps one day we could go up the mountain. I can never return to Baoshan Sanren but there are gardens just beneath the mountains. It is said that the spirits of our people live there after death. Perhaps we could bring your mother a token."
no subject
He stopped the car and turned to face Xiao Xingchen fully, bowing his head. "I will hit you up on instagram. As they say." After all, Xue Yang definitely had access there.
no subject
Xingchen got out of the car and bowed once more to Wei Wuxian before he took his key out of his pocket and unlocked the door. It wasn't into he was in the house that he allowed himself to cry. He lay on the floor, sobbing, just letting himself hurt before he had to pretend.