"Who cares? It doesn't matter, does it?" What did it matter who did this to him? He couldn't exactly have anything done to them. Cheon told him before - whatever Wen boys wanted, they got. And he had to accept that. He didn't want but there was a lot in life that he didn't want. He shivered and looked down at himself, he needed to pull his underwear up but he didn't have the energy to lift his hips right now.
Looking down, he saw Xue Yang's stomach and wondered when the other boy had gotten so solid. He was always strong but now he could see abs. He had only gotten weaker and weaker as Xue Yang got stronger and hardier.
"Don't call me that. I hate being called that." Meng Yao rebuffed as he looked at the backdoor of the club, knowing he had to pull himself together. Fast. "I'm older than you."
With a roll of his eyes, Xue Yang conceded. "Fine. Yao-ge, are you happier with that? You can be my gege, now let A-Yang take care of you."
Which, at the moment, meant that he was reaching down and pulling his underwear up, hating what traces he could see. Semen, blood, whatever else. He ran one finger along the waistband, his knuckles against Meng Yao's hip as he did so. Such a familiar feeling, despite everything.
Somehow he was now holding him in his arms and he had no idea how that had happened. Xue Yang cleared his throat. "Guess you gotta get back inside?"
Meng Yao nodded but he made no move to get up and go in. He knew he would have to. If nothing else, Cheon had his clothes. He just hoped the Wen boys wouldn't be back tonight. "I don't like the Wens. Out of all of the gangs, they're the worst. They underpay and want you to bleed." If he could end anyone, he'd fucking kill Wen Xu and then his pathetic little brother afterwards.
He wiped at his face, eager to try and get rid of tear marks.
"If I go in there and he sees I've been crying, he will make it worse. He thinks it's funny when I cry." And so, he would rather hide outside than go back in. Even if he was cold.
"I see." Xue Yang wasn't certain what to make about it but he certainly saw what Meng Yao meant. He also saw Cheon's point a little too, because Meng Yao was beautiful when he cried. He was loathe to admit that he shared an opinion with that dirtbag though.
So he didn't say it, he just held Meng Yao and then leaned down, licking one of his cheeks. Salty. Maybe he could hide the traces of his tears.
"The Wen are assholes." He could agree with that. "Wen Xu did this?" That was an easy guess, given that information.
"Him and his friends." Meng Yao tilted his head away from the tongue but only half heartedly. When had Xue Yang returned to his life and why? He had worked so hard to get away from him and yet now, he couldn't escape him. It felt nice in his arms but that was the problem. He couldn't do that to himself, it wasn't right. It wasn't fair. He knew that he didn't live in that world any more. "They say you can't rape a whore."
Meng Yao laughed a little but it was bitter and cold. He hated his life. He would have killed himself but truth was, he didn't want to die. He wanted to live but he was struggling to understand why.
"I dream about setting the club on fire with them all inside and watching them die slowly. It helps me lose the tears."
"M-hm. You would like fire. It's clean." Seemed very Meng Yao, that method of death. Xue Yang preferred things a lot more bloody and that also was no surprise. He lightly touched the side of Meng Yao's face with his bandaged hand, with the finger that wasn't a finger, and he shook his head.
He had to remind himself of all the things Meng Yao had done and said to him. Of how he looked down on him, really. How he had rid himself of him. "Y'think I could have been like Cheon?"
He wondered it idly. "Is that what I should have done? Become your owner? Your pimp?" Maybe that would have worked.
"You'd never be Cheon. You hate sharing. You'd never turn a profit." When they had dated, Xue Yang had been comically overbearing. It had negatively impacted his income to the point that he was running up debt. He was sure that Xue Yang would never acknowledge that he had caused him enough problems that he had to back off but that was the truth. Xue Yang didn't share.
"You couldn't be my pimp. Would you share me around your friends? Let several of them have me? Let your dangerous clients keep me for days? How much would you let them mark me?" He could already guess. Xue Yang was too possessive. "You could never give me space to breathe, how would you stand to loan me out?"
Clearly, as shown by his face that was so much worse at hiding emotions than Meng Yao's, even the thought was enough to inspire ire and jealousy. Xue Yang pressed his lips together, then gradually ended up pouting. "Yao-ge. You're being mean."
He spoke in a voice he hadn't heard himself use in a very long time. Sweet. He was being cute. There hadn't been a reason to do it up until now. Not since he had last been with Meng Yao.
"If my friends touched you like that, I'd have so many dead friends..." That was quite the insinuation to make in this manner, but Meng Yao knew it better than anyone. Being cute had never kept Xue Yang from being dangerous.
"I have to be mean or you'll be silly." Meng Yao shot back, smiling a little. Of course he found Xue Yang cute, he'd be mad if he didn't. He had never really stopped liking Xue Yang, not until things got so cruel and personal. For him, it had been a sacrifice for survival. One that really didn't pay off but what else could have been done? Xue Yang was poor and weak, how could he have freed him from his debts?
"You have to understand that you can't be possessive as a whore. You didn't want to hear it back then, you certainly don't now. We are always doomed, A-Yang." He couldn't give him personal space and he couldn't give Xue Yang himself.
"You're always mean. Cold beauty." Truly cold right now, it would seem. Xue Yang adjusted his jacket around Meng Yao a little bit more properly, trying to keep him from getting even colder. If he couldn't properly warm him up, he could at least do this much.
Shaking his head, he sighed. "You're not really a whore any more anyway." Something worse. Something that tugged on his heart and made him want to lash out at the world. At anyone who had caused this. Still... "You've never asked for my help. Isn't that how the script goes? Aren't you supposed to ask to be redeemed?"
He supposed there it was again. Looking down at him. "I'm not just some brat, you know?"
"Truthfully? I wish you would stay away. I think you're doing better than me so why drag yourself down?" It wasn't smart. They both had to survive and survival was rarely found in caring and partnerships. He didn't think them reuniting was going to be a benefit to either of them. "I'm not a whore. I'm just a slave now. I belong to Cheon. And if I piss him off too much, he'll take me back to the small little room in his apartment and retrain me. I will do anything to avoid that."
The first time was enough, he didn't want to ever go backwards. Being near Xue Yang was already going to be grounds for such a thing. "Tonight, you should leave me and let's never meet again."
For both of their sakes. "I know I'm mean but sometimes, A-Yang, I have to be mean so both of us can survive."
"M-hm. If you say so." Xue Yang sighed and looked off to the side, finally doing what he had meant to do before hearing Meng Yao. He put his hand into the pocket of his jacket, which not so incidentally meant that he brushed up right against Meng Yao's crotch, removing his headphone case. He opened it and quickly inserted the headphones, starting up the music.
It was the right song that played. Made it easy to continue down a path that hurt. "Then I'll be mean as well."
That said, he leaned in and he met Meng Yao's lips with his. Kissing him deeply right away, a bit of teeth and all his longing. Kissing him until he could no longer taste others, until it was just them.
Xue Yang truly did seem to live to be the embodiment of temptation for him. He was always everything he wanted but couldn't have. The kiss was all he wanted right now, he wanted to melt into it and keep going, to be taken home by Xue Yang and lie in his arms. He wanted the hopeless romantic.
But he knew what would happen. He was signing Xue Yang's death warrant and condemning himself. It wasn't possible.
He pulled away and fumbled forward, sitting away from Xue Yang on the ground with wide eyes. Shaking himself out of it, he removed the coat and then held it out to Xue Yang. "Please. Leave. I don't want this."
"You think I want it now? It smells of those fuckers." Xue Yang knew that Meng Yao wasn't just talking about his jacket, but whatever. He took it from him and searched through the pockets, removing whatever was of any value. When he found his stash of candy, he got them out and counted. Only five left. With some hesitation, he put three of them into Meng Yao's hand.
"Here. So you can taste something as good as me sometimes." They were just hard candies in colourful wrappers, but they were his favourite kind.
Xue Yang got to his feet, looking down at Meng Yao. The jacket he left abandoned on the ground. He reached for the hem of his shirt and lifted it, just enough to show one of his tattoos. "Jiangzai. That's what they call me. Keep an ear out for that name, xiao Yao. Maybe it'll change things."
"Maybe. Maybe not. I don't really believe in good things any more. Nothing ever changes." Meng Yao admitted as he looked at the candy and counted them with fascination. Five was there and somehow, he got three. He got more candy than Xue Yang took. He definitely still cared about him. Dangerous. It was such a dangerous emotion.
And this time, he couldn't run away and hide from him.
As Xue Yang turned away, Meng Yao forced himself onto his unsteady feet and then called out after him. "Jiangzai! I like your tattoos." With a half smile, he looked away from him and back to the door.
"Yeah?!" Xue Yang grinned, while he took off his shirt as he kept on walking, wanting to get to his car. And he dropped the shirt on the way, he most definitely didn't want to have that cum-stained rag with him any longer. "You should see the one I got for you!"
Whether he actually had gotten a tattoo for Meng Yao, where it was or what it was, that would have to be revealed another time. For now, they were out of each other's sight and reach.
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no subject
Looking down, he saw Xue Yang's stomach and wondered when the other boy had gotten so solid. He was always strong but now he could see abs. He had only gotten weaker and weaker as Xue Yang got stronger and hardier.
"Don't call me that. I hate being called that." Meng Yao rebuffed as he looked at the backdoor of the club, knowing he had to pull himself together. Fast. "I'm older than you."
no subject
Which, at the moment, meant that he was reaching down and pulling his underwear up, hating what traces he could see. Semen, blood, whatever else. He ran one finger along the waistband, his knuckles against Meng Yao's hip as he did so. Such a familiar feeling, despite everything.
Somehow he was now holding him in his arms and he had no idea how that had happened. Xue Yang cleared his throat. "Guess you gotta get back inside?"
no subject
He wiped at his face, eager to try and get rid of tear marks.
"If I go in there and he sees I've been crying, he will make it worse. He thinks it's funny when I cry." And so, he would rather hide outside than go back in. Even if he was cold.
no subject
So he didn't say it, he just held Meng Yao and then leaned down, licking one of his cheeks. Salty. Maybe he could hide the traces of his tears.
"The Wen are assholes." He could agree with that. "Wen Xu did this?" That was an easy guess, given that information.
no subject
Meng Yao laughed a little but it was bitter and cold. He hated his life. He would have killed himself but truth was, he didn't want to die. He wanted to live but he was struggling to understand why.
"I dream about setting the club on fire with them all inside and watching them die slowly. It helps me lose the tears."
no subject
He had to remind himself of all the things Meng Yao had done and said to him. Of how he looked down on him, really. How he had rid himself of him. "Y'think I could have been like Cheon?"
He wondered it idly. "Is that what I should have done? Become your owner? Your pimp?" Maybe that would have worked.
no subject
"You couldn't be my pimp. Would you share me around your friends? Let several of them have me? Let your dangerous clients keep me for days? How much would you let them mark me?" He could already guess. Xue Yang was too possessive. "You could never give me space to breathe, how would you stand to loan me out?"
no subject
He spoke in a voice he hadn't heard himself use in a very long time. Sweet. He was being cute. There hadn't been a reason to do it up until now. Not since he had last been with Meng Yao.
"If my friends touched you like that, I'd have so many dead friends..." That was quite the insinuation to make in this manner, but Meng Yao knew it better than anyone. Being cute had never kept Xue Yang from being dangerous.
no subject
"You have to understand that you can't be possessive as a whore. You didn't want to hear it back then, you certainly don't now. We are always doomed, A-Yang." He couldn't give him personal space and he couldn't give Xue Yang himself.
"Am I being mean again?"
no subject
Shaking his head, he sighed. "You're not really a whore any more anyway." Something worse. Something that tugged on his heart and made him want to lash out at the world. At anyone who had caused this. Still... "You've never asked for my help. Isn't that how the script goes? Aren't you supposed to ask to be redeemed?"
He supposed there it was again. Looking down at him. "I'm not just some brat, you know?"
no subject
The first time was enough, he didn't want to ever go backwards. Being near Xue Yang was already going to be grounds for such a thing. "Tonight, you should leave me and let's never meet again."
For both of their sakes. "I know I'm mean but sometimes, A-Yang, I have to be mean so both of us can survive."
no subject
It was the right song that played. Made it easy to continue down a path that hurt. "Then I'll be mean as well."
That said, he leaned in and he met Meng Yao's lips with his. Kissing him deeply right away, a bit of teeth and all his longing. Kissing him until he could no longer taste others, until it was just them.
no subject
But he knew what would happen. He was signing Xue Yang's death warrant and condemning himself. It wasn't possible.
He pulled away and fumbled forward, sitting away from Xue Yang on the ground with wide eyes. Shaking himself out of it, he removed the coat and then held it out to Xue Yang. "Please. Leave. I don't want this."
no subject
"Here. So you can taste something as good as me sometimes." They were just hard candies in colourful wrappers, but they were his favourite kind.
Xue Yang got to his feet, looking down at Meng Yao. The jacket he left abandoned on the ground. He reached for the hem of his shirt and lifted it, just enough to show one of his tattoos. "Jiangzai. That's what they call me. Keep an ear out for that name, xiao Yao. Maybe it'll change things."
no subject
And this time, he couldn't run away and hide from him.
As Xue Yang turned away, Meng Yao forced himself onto his unsteady feet and then called out after him. "Jiangzai! I like your tattoos." With a half smile, he looked away from him and back to the door.
no subject
Whether he actually had gotten a tattoo for Meng Yao, where it was or what it was, that would have to be revealed another time. For now, they were out of each other's sight and reach.