"A kiss like that? At most, $20. Maybe $30 for the touching sentiment." He didn't need Xue Yang to make him feel bad about his life choices, he had been there over 1000 times himself and he knew where he went wrong. He didn't care now. He was passed that. Passed all of it, honestly. He was what he was and it was never going to change.
"It's weird, isn't it? It's a worse deal but I'd still rather be with him than you." At least, right now, it felt true. He didn't like reminders of his past. They were shameful and anger inducing. "Get your hands off his merchandise, would you?"
"Ugh, I know. After touching you, I'm gonna need disinfectant." Xue Yang said it with disgust in his voice while he placed his chin on Meng Yao's shoulder, pressing his face against his neck the way he had done so often. He wanted to mark him. He wanted to suck and lick and make him moan the way he was betting he still could.
Instead he stepped back suddenly, wiping his hands on his jeans as if he actually was repulsed by Meng Yao. "You smell disgusting." At least that part was true. It was wrong, for Meng Yao to smell like cigarettes. "Eh, I'm curious. So tell me. You ever had a fuck better than me yet? Bet Cheon's just great, when he can get it up."
There was something cruel about the way Xue Yang rejected him but he didn't really want to process that. Denial was the safest route. He tried to just focus on keeping himself numb. Feelings wouldn't help, they would only cause more issues. Regret and misery were pointless emotions, they didn't help him survive at all.
"I don't remember what you're like. You all just blur into one, I'm afraid. Once you've had one cock, you've had them all. I will say, at least Cheon is memorable. For better or for worse." Of course he remembered Xue Yang but why would he give him that satisfaction?
"That's funny, isn't it? Here I remember xiao Yao, begging Yang-ge to wipe away all the others for him." To be the first good sex. The first time without any money or force. The first time it had been about Meng Yao's pleasure.
Xue Yang regretted the words now they were out because they had both been grandstanding anyway. He knew that Meng Yao wanted to hurt him for hurting him, it was a cycle they had entered, but maybe he had taken it too far. Besmirching that memory.
Whatever. He always took things too far. "So why would I be hung up on you, huh? You cling to that fantasy. You know I do what I want and yet here I am. Not doing you."
It was embarrassing, it was why he never wanted to meet people from his past. He had hopes and dreams once. He wanted things out of life. He wanted to not be like his mother. And now, he would argue, he was worse off than her. At least she got paid. He had dreamt too big, had been too ambitious and ended up in a nightmare.
And there was Xue Yang, taking what few good memories he had and dragging them through the mud. He only came here to humiliate him. That was all that night was now - fodder to hurt him. He looked at Xue Yang coldly and then turned away from him.
"I'm done with you. Stop bothering me or I'll tell the guards." He pulled the door open and walked back into the room with determination. He would go find Cheon, that would keep Xue Yang at bay.
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"It's weird, isn't it? It's a worse deal but I'd still rather be with him than you." At least, right now, it felt true. He didn't like reminders of his past. They were shameful and anger inducing. "Get your hands off his merchandise, would you?"
no subject
Instead he stepped back suddenly, wiping his hands on his jeans as if he actually was repulsed by Meng Yao. "You smell disgusting." At least that part was true. It was wrong, for Meng Yao to smell like cigarettes. "Eh, I'm curious. So tell me. You ever had a fuck better than me yet? Bet Cheon's just great, when he can get it up."
He snorted. That was an open secret by now.
no subject
"I don't remember what you're like. You all just blur into one, I'm afraid. Once you've had one cock, you've had them all. I will say, at least Cheon is memorable. For better or for worse." Of course he remembered Xue Yang but why would he give him that satisfaction?
no subject
Xue Yang regretted the words now they were out because they had both been grandstanding anyway. He knew that Meng Yao wanted to hurt him for hurting him, it was a cycle they had entered, but maybe he had taken it too far. Besmirching that memory.
Whatever. He always took things too far. "So why would I be hung up on you, huh? You cling to that fantasy. You know I do what I want and yet here I am. Not doing you."
no subject
And there was Xue Yang, taking what few good memories he had and dragging them through the mud. He only came here to humiliate him. That was all that night was now - fodder to hurt him. He looked at Xue Yang coldly and then turned away from him.
"I'm done with you. Stop bothering me or I'll tell the guards." He pulled the door open and walked back into the room with determination. He would go find Cheon, that would keep Xue Yang at bay.