"I'm yours?" Meng Yao asked, his mind completely dulled with shock. From the dead man in the room to his own almost death and everything else in between, it was like his brain was entirely shutting down and all he could focus on was how softly he was touched and how Xue Yang was so warm and nice to be close to.
Dazed, he looked at Xue Yang, his eyes slightly out of focus. "I'm sorry I pissed you off. I won't do it again. I'll try my best. I promise. Don't hate me any more."
"Psh. Don't be so dramatic again, who hates you? I never did. Told you, you just pissed me off." Xue Yang finished stripping off all the way, then he got into the shower, pulling Meng Yao along with one arm. He stood under the water and let it wash off sweat and blood and, in Meng Yao's case, tears.
Better already. "Your face when you saw what that fatty looked like." He had to grin. "Were you jealous?"
Meng Yao shivered as the hot water hit him and it felt amazing. His body was hurting from prolonged suspension and his joints were aching despite how supple they were. He leaned heavily against Xue Yang and lifted his hand, using it to wipe as his face. This was one of the worst nights of his life, worse than when Lan Xichen told him who he was dating. It was like his insides ripped apart so much that he was afraid they still wouldn't go back together.
He thought Xue Yang didn't want him any more. "I didn't understand why you picked him of all people. I thought you wanted to hurt me as much as you could." That he was so little that any old bastard would have him instead. "Do you want me to be jealous?"
"I thought it'd annoy you the most. Get under your skin." So, yes, he supposed he had wanted to hurt him as much as he could. "Anyway, I didn't wanna run into anyone I know so I went to a different bar. All the old married guys go there and pick up rent boys. Honestly, if I hadn't killed him I could have probably gotten a nice payment out of it."
There was that. Xue Yang grinned at him, then nodded. "Of course I want you to be jealous. It's fun! Jealousy is-- It's proof you care, isn't it? I want you burning with envy over anyone else even getting to look at me."
"You need it to be strong to feel real." Meng Yao spoke more to himself than anything as he stood there, letting the water rain down on him for a few moments as the cogs in his head turned and finally, he could think. Nothing felt real unless it was intense, dramatic, like a BL. Like the shows he was so addicted to.
Moving away from Xue Yang, he turned around and placed a hand on Xue Yang's cheek, making the other look at him and bracing himself in case he hit him. "I want you to be mine. Only mine. I'll always be yours so it's only fair if you're mine too."
That made sense, so Xue Yang nodded his head. "Sure." Although he did have to let out a short laugh then, lifting his shoulders slightly. "Life's not fair though."
Still, he kind of liked it. That Meng Yao wanted him like this, that he was making demands. That he wanted it so absolutely. As he had said, it made it feel more real. "So, what? You want me to only fuck you?" Was that what it was about? Guess we really ought to go clubbing together."
"In here, it's just us two. It's our world. Why can't it be fair?" Why couldn't thinks be simpler here? He sighed and then leaned in, resting his head against Xue Yang's chest now and slumping against him, tired and eager for something from Xue Yang. he wasn't sure what, he just wanted it.
"I want you to be with me. I don't want to be alone. Neither do you. I want to be with someone." And why couldn't have someone be Xue Yang. "If you can't love me, just like me."
"I like you. If I didn't like you, you'd be dead." Xue Yang really felt that was obvious. He had reached for the shampoo and now he was starting to massage some of it into Meng Yao's hair, gently scratching his scalp. Ugh, his hair really needed to be cut. Styled. And he should have started washing his hair for him sooner, he clearly didn't do a good job by himself.
"It's wasn't all on you tonight." It was not an apology, but it was something. "I was in a bad mood. Those girls. It was their fault."
"I'm sorry I rejected you, I was scared. People have laughed at me before and mocked me. Sex makes me ... uncomfortable." Meng Yao explained as he looked closed his eyes, trying to spare his eyes from any potential burning. He wondered if honesty would help Xue Yang connect to him. He wanted things to feel real, like flesh out characters with backstories he could understand.
"My mother was a whore. I grew up in a brothel. People aren't... aren't nice. I thought you were mocking my reaction for being too much. Like... Like I was being a whore." He was projecting, he knew it, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't turn that part of his brain off. "I'm not a whore."
"Well, no. You're not." Xue Yang snorted, tugging on a strand of Meng Yao's hair. "Lean your head back, I want to rinse your hair."
He waited for him to comply before he started rinsing it, at the same time running a finger along Meng Yao's throat. He really was quite pretty to look at, especially in moments like this. So vulnerable. "I'd not bother with a whore. Why would I? Have you seen me?"
He shrugged and started washing his own hair now. "I don't pay for it."
Still, maybe he should say something more. Something else. "Was your mother not nice either?"
"Even hot me pay for it. It's not about how you look, it's about how you feel and what you think. You don't need a whore, you have confidence." Meng Yao assured him as he smiled a little, tilting his head back and letting Xue Yang swill the soap out. He turned around once it was gone, rubbing his face with his wet hands and sniffing a little.
"No, she is the best. I took care of her, as best as I could. And she took care of me when she could do it. She died when I was 14." He failed her, he knew that, he should have ignored her and called for a doctor. He should have sought help but he didn't. "I've been alone since she left me."
"Wow. You were young. Sorry she died, seems like she was a nice lady." Xue Yang could kind of picture her now, she would have been pretty. Short, like Meng Yao. A nice smile and soft touches. He knew what mothers could be like, when they were nice.
He started rinsing his own hair, running his fingers along the sides of his head and deciding that he needed a haircut some time soon too. Then he turned off the showerhead, so he could set it aside and put his hands on Meng Yao's hips. So he could look at him. "You're not alone now. Never again."
"Neither are you. I'll take care of you too, A-Yang." Was he allowed to call him that? He didn't know. He was pretty insistent that he said gege but he didn't care any more. He had already experienced enough tonight, what was another explosion. He tilted his head to the side and looked up at Xue Yang, Biting his lower lip.
Xue Yang was hot. He was well muscled, he was strong and solid, he had tattoos and a pretty sizable dick. He was quite the sight. "You're so handsome."
"Yah." Xue Yang wasn't about to discover modesty for the first time just to deny that compliment. "You're a pretty boy, really. Just gotta arrange you properly."
He almost seemed to want to not be seen as pretty on purpose, although Xue Yang assumed it was not intentional. He was just accidentally gifted in that. Posing for Meng Yao now, he suddenly realised. "Right, it's the first time you've seen me all naked, yeah?"
Playfully, he lifted his arms and flexed. "You should touch."
At the moment, he paid no mind to how Meng Yao addressed him, even if it might have bothered him at a different time.
Meng Yao smiled a slightly dopey smile as he came closer and looked at Xue Yang a little more but he touched his arms with great interest. Solid. Strong. They were definitely his type. He loved that Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue had been strong too. Muscle was such a turn on. He smiled at Xue Yang and then his hands drifted to his chest, touching his abdomen. Still so solid.
"I can be pretty when I care, I just ... lately, why care? Everyone judges me anyway." So why not look like what people felt he was? It was easier in the end.
"I guess. You can just be pretty for me, when I want you to be. I like your smile. And your frog eyes, they are cute." He certainly found them appealing. Xue Yang looked down, watching where Meng Yao's fingers went. Then he explained, as he traced the tattoo in question. "Jiangzai. That's one of the things they called me when I was young. I thought I should own it."
Why protest? He knew he had been quite notorious. "Do you like tattoos? Some guys think it's too much."
"I have frog eyes?" Was that good or bad? Actually, no, he didn't want to know. He swallowed hard and then lowered his own head, not wanting to dive too deep into that thought. "I'll be cute for you and only you. It isn't hard, most people think I'm creepy." Even when he showered, dressed nice and tried his best. So why bother any more?
He touched one of the tattoos and nodded his head. "They're really pretty. I like them. Are you in a gang?" Usually it was a gang thing, right? "I never stalked you in the scary neighbourhoods. I thought I'd get mugged so..."
"Nah. Not really. I've done stuff for gangs. They help me out with bodies, I take care of some that they want to be bodies." Xue Yang supposed that kind of summarised it. "Gangs have all that talk about family. Loyalty. That kind of shit. You know me. So you know why that's not me."
He shrugged his shoulders, then looked at Meng Yao with a smile, meeting his eyes. "You are cold, xiao Yao. Let's head to bed."
"I think I'm in shock." Meng Yao told Xue Yang with a bright, happy smile, unable to fully comprehend anything. His brain was cotton, he couldn't really think or process any of the trauma. There was a dead man the other side of the apartment. He bled everywhere. He had no idea how he felt but he was anxious whenever he considered it.
Pulling away from Xue Yang, he shivered as he stood there, cold and naked, eyes filled with excitement because he was seeing so much of Xue Yang. "Can we sleep together?"
His smile was so creepy right now. Xue Yang burst out laughing, but then he simply nodded. He lifted Meng Yao up off his feet, carrying him not just out of the shower, but out of the bathroom. He set him down on the bed and then got under the covers next to him, wrapping his arms and legs around the smaller man. He could hold him tightly until he stopped shivering.
"You need to relax. It wasn't so bad in the end, was it? No need to be that dramatic." Not that that wasn't part of the fun.
"I just never saw someone die like that. I watched my mama die but he didn't die of sickness, he was bleeding. I didn't know humans could bleed so much." Meng Yao shivered as he buried himself under the covers and let the other hold him close. He practically melted. He was so happy to be in his arms. It just felt right.
"Gege, it was kind of pretty, wasn't it?" The colour. It was oddly pretty. He liked red. Red, gold and black.
"The blood, you mean?" Xue Yang considered for a moment, then he hummed in agreement. "It is pretty. It's shiny where the light hits it. It get's brighter and darker, depends on where and how warm it is." He had certainly admired it on numerous occasions. "Don't worry, by the way. I'll handle clean-up of the body and all that. You just stick with the sock drawer or whatever you were babbling on about."
"I like the sock drawer now, I made it nice. You'll see tomorrow."
Hopefully he'd need socks.
Once he was down, an overwhelming tiredness hit him and his body went limp and he fell asleep safely in Xue Yang's arms. He didn't even get how he had ended up here, not really, but he liked it anyway. He belonged here.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
downstares) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
toxicbaes2025-06-01 08:20 pm
no subject
Dazed, he looked at Xue Yang, his eyes slightly out of focus. "I'm sorry I pissed you off. I won't do it again. I'll try my best. I promise. Don't hate me any more."
no subject
Better already. "Your face when you saw what that fatty looked like." He had to grin. "Were you jealous?"
no subject
He thought Xue Yang didn't want him any more. "I didn't understand why you picked him of all people. I thought you wanted to hurt me as much as you could." That he was so little that any old bastard would have him instead. "Do you want me to be jealous?"
no subject
There was that. Xue Yang grinned at him, then nodded. "Of course I want you to be jealous. It's fun! Jealousy is-- It's proof you care, isn't it? I want you burning with envy over anyone else even getting to look at me."
no subject
Moving away from Xue Yang, he turned around and placed a hand on Xue Yang's cheek, making the other look at him and bracing himself in case he hit him. "I want you to be mine. Only mine. I'll always be yours so it's only fair if you're mine too."
no subject
Still, he kind of liked it. That Meng Yao wanted him like this, that he was making demands. That he wanted it so absolutely. As he had said, it made it feel more real. "So, what? You want me to only fuck you?" Was that what it was about? Guess we really ought to go clubbing together."
no subject
"I want you to be with me. I don't want to be alone. Neither do you. I want to be with someone." And why couldn't have someone be Xue Yang. "If you can't love me, just like me."
no subject
"It's wasn't all on you tonight." It was not an apology, but it was something. "I was in a bad mood. Those girls. It was their fault."
no subject
"My mother was a whore. I grew up in a brothel. People aren't... aren't nice. I thought you were mocking my reaction for being too much. Like... Like I was being a whore." He was projecting, he knew it, but he couldn't help it. He couldn't turn that part of his brain off. "I'm not a whore."
no subject
He waited for him to comply before he started rinsing it, at the same time running a finger along Meng Yao's throat. He really was quite pretty to look at, especially in moments like this. So vulnerable. "I'd not bother with a whore. Why would I? Have you seen me?"
He shrugged and started washing his own hair now. "I don't pay for it."
Still, maybe he should say something more. Something else. "Was your mother not nice either?"
no subject
"No, she is the best. I took care of her, as best as I could. And she took care of me when she could do it. She died when I was 14." He failed her, he knew that, he should have ignored her and called for a doctor. He should have sought help but he didn't. "I've been alone since she left me."
no subject
He started rinsing his own hair, running his fingers along the sides of his head and deciding that he needed a haircut some time soon too. Then he turned off the showerhead, so he could set it aside and put his hands on Meng Yao's hips. So he could look at him. "You're not alone now. Never again."
no subject
Xue Yang was hot. He was well muscled, he was strong and solid, he had tattoos and a pretty sizable dick. He was quite the sight. "You're so handsome."
no subject
He almost seemed to want to not be seen as pretty on purpose, although Xue Yang assumed it was not intentional. He was just accidentally gifted in that. Posing for Meng Yao now, he suddenly realised. "Right, it's the first time you've seen me all naked, yeah?"
Playfully, he lifted his arms and flexed. "You should touch."
At the moment, he paid no mind to how Meng Yao addressed him, even if it might have bothered him at a different time.
no subject
Meng Yao smiled a slightly dopey smile as he came closer and looked at Xue Yang a little more but he touched his arms with great interest. Solid. Strong. They were definitely his type. He loved that Lan Xichen and Nie Mingjue had been strong too. Muscle was such a turn on. He smiled at Xue Yang and then his hands drifted to his chest, touching his abdomen. Still so solid.
"I can be pretty when I care, I just ... lately, why care? Everyone judges me anyway." So why not look like what people felt he was? It was easier in the end.
no subject
Why protest? He knew he had been quite notorious. "Do you like tattoos? Some guys think it's too much."
no subject
He touched one of the tattoos and nodded his head. "They're really pretty. I like them. Are you in a gang?" Usually it was a gang thing, right? "I never stalked you in the scary neighbourhoods. I thought I'd get mugged so..."
no subject
He shrugged his shoulders, then looked at Meng Yao with a smile, meeting his eyes. "You are cold, xiao Yao. Let's head to bed."
no subject
Pulling away from Xue Yang, he shivered as he stood there, cold and naked, eyes filled with excitement because he was seeing so much of Xue Yang. "Can we sleep together?"
no subject
"You need to relax. It wasn't so bad in the end, was it? No need to be that dramatic." Not that that wasn't part of the fun.
no subject
"Gege, it was kind of pretty, wasn't it?" The colour. It was oddly pretty. He liked red. Red, gold and black.
no subject
no subject
Hopefully he'd need socks.
Once he was down, an overwhelming tiredness hit him and his body went limp and he fell asleep safely in Xue Yang's arms. He didn't even get how he had ended up here, not really, but he liked it anyway. He belonged here.