"My father is like that. As you know. No grey for him. But I always saw the grey all around." Perhaps there had been something wrong with him from the start. He couldn't say for certain. "I always thought that you were good. I reckon everyone does. You are honest. You are kind too."
A very undervalued quality. "But being good and kind doesn't always lead to things going the way they should, does it?" Clearly not. "When people tried bribing my father, he'd never take it. But I wondered even as a boy whether he didn't take it because he felt it was wrong or because it was so important for him to stay good. Always by the book. He cares more about his reputation than about morals, really. If they told him that the wrong thing was right, he'd do it that way. He has in the past. Still does. So much that's wrong with the system. There aren't really many good people out there. Not truly good like you."
"That's why there's so much mistrust. There's people who pretend, people who abuse a broken system and fuck knows, people hear cop and they -- they hate us. They think we're untrustworthy. It's a dirty word now. Police." Sam hated that with all of his heart but he knew it was the truth and he knew how bad the system was that it allowed bad people to abuse it. Even so, to him, staying strict was the best way to stay good. "I think your lot do better in public opinion than our lot these days."
Sam huffed out a laugh and rubbed at his eyes, not sure what to even feel any more about Barty. He just wanted to love him, he just wanted to be with him but then he had to forgive him and it seemed to easy. Too simple for Barty. "I miss you all the time. I hate that you can't be who I want you to be but I ... I also don't want you to be either."
"I can't be that. Maybe in a different world, I could be a lovable rogue of some sorts, but I don't know. I just don't like the system. I don't believe in it. I used to want to bring it down." He smiled as he remembered being young and so much more reckless. "You've probably kept me from that, not that you knew it. i was always scared of losing you."
He still was. "I'm not often scared. Most of my fears these days are in some way related to you."
He stopped at a red light, fingers drumming against the wheel. "I want it to be us against the world, because I could never bring myself to care that much about anyone other than you. But if you are so hellbent on being good and kind and helping people, I suppose that means I have to care as well."
"I can't disengage from the world. I want to help." He wanted to fix it and make it run exactly as he wanted, which was ridiculous but it would be quite nice, actually. He wanted to be alone with Barty, he wanted the world to be that small once when they were young and in love but then the rest of the world was still there and he couldn't just forget about it entirely. "If I know I could do good and I'm in the position to, I'll always want to get involved. And the best way I can is through being the example and trying to make others follow me."
And it worked, somewhat, with the police. They were learning from him and people tried more. Not Ray but fuck Ray. "Care a little. That's all I ask. And you can ask something of me too, sure, I don't care but just ... be in the world and care."
"I care. I care a lot." In his own way, at least. Mostly still focused around Sam. "I'm about to solve the Black Dragon issue for your DCI cunt, so you should be happy about that."
No gang war. He just wanted Cheon and anyone willing to work for him eradicated. Surely that wasn't unreasonable. He had no idea whether Jon planned on reining him in, but he certainly didn't expect that to work. "And I'm about to make sure that Manchester's number one policeman gets his beauty sleep." He parked his car and turned to Sam. He watched his face and his heart hurt. Nothing new there.
"I'd do anything for you. I'm not lying about that."
"You wouldn't tell me the truth when we dated so apparently even you have limits." Sam shot back because he couldn't resist. A little pedantic but hey, Barty loved that about him so he was not toning it down. "I'm glad you try and I appreciate it. And we'll never mesh in our ways of dealing but just -- do me a favour? Never tell me what you do unless I ask. Then be honest."
Sam could try and ignore it. He could ignore what would happen to Cheon, even if it upset him to know it wouldn't be handled legally. He knew this was a greater good.
"Don't hurt anyone with him who's clearly not there cause they want to be. A man like that, he drags people in. Forces them to stay. He takes the passports away from his boyfriends, you know?" He was a real piece of shit. "Not everyone with him is willing."
"M-hm. Maybe. Although not telling you the truth was a way of keeping you, so it was done for you. Just in an admittedly twisted and undoubtedly selfish way." Still, he would stand by how that was undeniably something he had done for the sake of Sam. For the sake of being with him. "I won't tell you more than you want to know."
He looked at Sam as he explained all that about Cheon, nodding and having to smile in spite of it all. "I know. I do research, you know? When I work, I get to know my targets better than their own mothers know them. Better than they know themselves. Perhaps in another life I'd have been a great cop. Or detective."
There was a thought. "I don't just hurt people for the sake of it. I'm only a sadist in the bedroom." He grinned and raised his eyebrows, then shrugged. "I'll make sure everyone with him against their will is taken care of. Promise."
"Just try to be a good person for me. Okay? In whatever small way you can."
Barty would have been an amazing cop, a great detective but a gangster... well, it was the worst possible option but even so, it could be worse. He just assumed this was how Barty did good, he protected the city in a fucked up way, like he protected him and his own brother. It was always the way it was.
"Now it finally makes sense to me why Giacomo always seemed to magically have his debt wiped out." That was the gangster pull right there. "You devious little shit."
"Ah, yes. Actually what started me on some of that path back in the day, so feel free to guilt him over it next time you see him. Only so many ways to pay for your twin brother's idiocy and he'd just not make a good gangster. Too unreliable." Too unreliable to perform any kind of regular job as well. Giacomo was just always in trouble and never content being entirely out of it. "They wanted to break his legs. You know he's a wimp with pain."
So, yes, he had to act. "To be fair to him, I was getting bored of legal work anyway."
"He is a fucking wimp." Sam complained, annoyed that Giacomo of all people was the root cause of this because of course he was. It was always Giacomo. If he ever say that fucker again, he'd punch him in the face. "Last I heard, he went to Italy to chase after a girl. I hope he stays there."
He had grown up with Giacomo, seen his arc and frankly, he wished he was still a non-verbal weirdo with nose bleeds and nothing else. "I wish he had never awakened."
Sex truly was evil. "You two were always bad influences on each other."
"I don't know how long before he'll be here again. Last I heard he was in Italy still, sending me pictures of some violinist and asking me whether he looked like a girl." Which he decidedly had not. Maybe Giacomo was finally realising that he wasn't as straight as he'd always thought he was.
Barty opened the door to get out, then walked around to get the door for Sam as well, just to be polite. And in case Sam was feeling faint. "I'm an excellent influence on him. I hit him sometimes. He really needs that."
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no subject
A very undervalued quality. "But being good and kind doesn't always lead to things going the way they should, does it?" Clearly not. "When people tried bribing my father, he'd never take it. But I wondered even as a boy whether he didn't take it because he felt it was wrong or because it was so important for him to stay good. Always by the book. He cares more about his reputation than about morals, really. If they told him that the wrong thing was right, he'd do it that way. He has in the past. Still does. So much that's wrong with the system. There aren't really many good people out there. Not truly good like you."
no subject
Sam huffed out a laugh and rubbed at his eyes, not sure what to even feel any more about Barty. He just wanted to love him, he just wanted to be with him but then he had to forgive him and it seemed to easy. Too simple for Barty. "I miss you all the time. I hate that you can't be who I want you to be but I ... I also don't want you to be either."
no subject
He still was. "I'm not often scared. Most of my fears these days are in some way related to you."
He stopped at a red light, fingers drumming against the wheel. "I want it to be us against the world, because I could never bring myself to care that much about anyone other than you. But if you are so hellbent on being good and kind and helping people, I suppose that means I have to care as well."
no subject
And it worked, somewhat, with the police. They were learning from him and people tried more. Not Ray but fuck Ray. "Care a little. That's all I ask. And you can ask something of me too, sure, I don't care but just ... be in the world and care."
no subject
No gang war. He just wanted Cheon and anyone willing to work for him eradicated. Surely that wasn't unreasonable. He had no idea whether Jon planned on reining him in, but he certainly didn't expect that to work. "And I'm about to make sure that Manchester's number one policeman gets his beauty sleep." He parked his car and turned to Sam. He watched his face and his heart hurt. Nothing new there.
"I'd do anything for you. I'm not lying about that."
no subject
Sam could try and ignore it. He could ignore what would happen to Cheon, even if it upset him to know it wouldn't be handled legally. He knew this was a greater good.
"Don't hurt anyone with him who's clearly not there cause they want to be. A man like that, he drags people in. Forces them to stay. He takes the passports away from his boyfriends, you know?" He was a real piece of shit. "Not everyone with him is willing."
no subject
He looked at Sam as he explained all that about Cheon, nodding and having to smile in spite of it all. "I know. I do research, you know? When I work, I get to know my targets better than their own mothers know them. Better than they know themselves. Perhaps in another life I'd have been a great cop. Or detective."
There was a thought. "I don't just hurt people for the sake of it. I'm only a sadist in the bedroom." He grinned and raised his eyebrows, then shrugged. "I'll make sure everyone with him against their will is taken care of. Promise."
no subject
Barty would have been an amazing cop, a great detective but a gangster... well, it was the worst possible option but even so, it could be worse. He just assumed this was how Barty did good, he protected the city in a fucked up way, like he protected him and his own brother. It was always the way it was.
"Now it finally makes sense to me why Giacomo always seemed to magically have his debt wiped out." That was the gangster pull right there. "You devious little shit."
no subject
So, yes, he had to act. "To be fair to him, I was getting bored of legal work anyway."
no subject
He had grown up with Giacomo, seen his arc and frankly, he wished he was still a non-verbal weirdo with nose bleeds and nothing else. "I wish he had never awakened."
Sex truly was evil. "You two were always bad influences on each other."
no subject
Barty opened the door to get out, then walked around to get the door for Sam as well, just to be polite. And in case Sam was feeling faint. "I'm an excellent influence on him. I hit him sometimes. He really needs that."