"I can't do that." And he wanted to, so desperately, but he couldn't - right? Could he do that? He didn't want anyone to know and he would end up bent if he didn't let Barty help but by letting him help, it also compromised him. "And I can't do what Cheon wants, can I? Fuck."
He slowly pushed himself up on his bed and got out his phone, texting Gene swiftly just to say he was sick and couldn't come in. He hoped he believed it.
"I can pretend I didn't hear you say that." Seemed safer. "And if I did... I would have said that you should destroy the footage. I don't want it near me. If you said it, of course."
"If I said it," Barty said quietly, looking at Sam. He could see how much he was suffering with all of this. Having his morals compromised, even a little bit, it was at least as invasive as what had been done to him.
He leaned down, gently placing a kiss under Sam's ear. He wanted to hold him again. He wanted to help him feel safe and taken care of. "It's not on you, darling. Not on you that nothing could ever stop me from taking care of you. I'm just that kind of possessive bastard, aren't I?"
"Suppose you always were. Possessive. Controlling. Playing a game and winning." Sam snorted in amusement and wondered how he felt about this. Barty was going to go out there and take down a human trafficking rapist... he probably wasn't torn up over it, he supposed. With a sigh, he looked over at Barty and shook his head. "I always hated that about you. Did you know that? You started doing it since -- since I lost my fucking school ID badge."
He was 16, he lost his badge and had a whole meltdown. He cried under his desk like a weirdo because he was utterly miserable. He couldn't go to the library, get his school dinners or get in and out of the school without it. "Something goes fucking wrong and you fucking fix it and I hate it. I always hated it. Just because I like it doesn't mean I can't hate it."
That conflicted feeling of hate and love, it was there even that day when Barty dropped his ID badge on his bed. Nicked by bullies, of course. Barty fixed it. He always fixed it.
"That's what you think, darling. I've been there stopping them from taking your badge sooner for at least two years before then." And then there were some other things that were probably better not to draw attention to. Nothing that bad, no, but yeah. He liked to take care of his own. Whether Sam wanted to belong to him or not.
He wanted to play with Sam's hair, but he refrained. Instead he put a hand on his shoulders, because he wanted to touch him. Wanted to really feel that they were close. "They are not that far apart, I suppose. Love and hate. Me and you."
"Guess not." Sam sighed and then nodded his head, shifting up the bed as he slid down and let his head hit the pillow. "My brain is conked and I'm just -- I don't know. I need to close my eyes." He had to somehow process Barty, Cheon, his work and his body all at once and nothing was sinking in or coming together.
"When you go, turn the TV on, will you?" Sam liked sleeping with it on. He didn't like silence much, in all honest.
"Aye, I will." Barty wondered whether he could actually leave Sam alone. Maybe after he'd finished making him the tea he'd started on before and he'd make sure he'd actually drink it. And maybe if he made sure someone would watch this building, just in case.
"When you wake up, Sam, make sure to remember what a perfect gentleman I've been." No kissing, not making a move, not taking advantage. Truly, he was a noble hero. "Takes a lot to get this stuff out of your system. Text me when you're struggling. Maybe I can help."
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He slowly pushed himself up on his bed and got out his phone, texting Gene swiftly just to say he was sick and couldn't come in. He hoped he believed it.
"I can pretend I didn't hear you say that." Seemed safer. "And if I did... I would have said that you should destroy the footage. I don't want it near me. If you said it, of course."
no subject
He leaned down, gently placing a kiss under Sam's ear. He wanted to hold him again. He wanted to help him feel safe and taken care of. "It's not on you, darling. Not on you that nothing could ever stop me from taking care of you. I'm just that kind of possessive bastard, aren't I?"
no subject
He was 16, he lost his badge and had a whole meltdown. He cried under his desk like a weirdo because he was utterly miserable. He couldn't go to the library, get his school dinners or get in and out of the school without it. "Something goes fucking wrong and you fucking fix it and I hate it. I always hated it. Just because I like it doesn't mean I can't hate it."
That conflicted feeling of hate and love, it was there even that day when Barty dropped his ID badge on his bed. Nicked by bullies, of course. Barty fixed it. He always fixed it.
no subject
He wanted to play with Sam's hair, but he refrained. Instead he put a hand on his shoulders, because he wanted to touch him. Wanted to really feel that they were close. "They are not that far apart, I suppose. Love and hate. Me and you."
no subject
"When you go, turn the TV on, will you?" Sam liked sleeping with it on. He didn't like silence much, in all honest.
no subject
"When you wake up, Sam, make sure to remember what a perfect gentleman I've been." No kissing, not making a move, not taking advantage. Truly, he was a noble hero. "Takes a lot to get this stuff out of your system. Text me when you're struggling. Maybe I can help."