"You're making a mess. Song Lan doesn't like a mess in the bathroom." Xingchen wisely informed him, his voice sounding a little far away. He was almost numb to pain now and Xue Yang was holding his wrists tight. It hurt in the back of his head but it wasn't right there, overwhelming him.
"I'm a bad person. I'm really bad. I deserve to die. Let me die." He wanted to just stop hurting people. Even now, he hurt them but he didn't know what else to do.
"People that deserve to die get to live all the time. There's a man who crushed a kids finger with his car and only laughed and he's still breathing." So why shouldn't Xiao Xingchen? "I want you to live, so you are living. I'm not giving you a choice. Do I ever give you a choice, eh? No. So stop talking nonsense. I already called the doctors."
After all, he had reached out to him. "If you didn't want me, here, you'd not have said. Dumb fuck."
"I didn't think you'd make it in time, even if you did come. I just wanted to give you closure. I'm sorry. That I did what I did. That I made you cry." Xingchen confessed as he looked at Xue Yang now and smiled a little because his eyes were a nice, bright amber and his little fangs, glinting in the late night light. And there was a softness there, a softness that he couldn't say he hated.
"Why would you call a doctor? You wanted to destroy me above all. Corrupt me. Sanctimonious prick." So wasn't this winning? Wasn't he corrupted and ruined? He had broken every ethic and hurt every person he loved. He felt destroyed. "I don't want to go to hospital, please."
"Aish, you take things so personally." That was obviously an insane thing to say, given the circumstances, but Xue Yang was not good at finding a great argument, he was just good at seeing his own logic through, no matter how it might twist and turn. "Who remembers all that? Forget about it already. I like you, so live."
There. He hugged him close and, gently, kissed his hair. "The doctor's coming here. No hospital."
"Please don't make me see Song Lan again, I don't want to. I hurt him." He just wanted to hide in Xue Yang's arms, as he had before for such a brief but beautiful moment. The more pressure that was applied, the more it actually started to hurt. Xiao Xingchen winced and whined a little, in pain.
"My clothes are wet. I need new clothes..." That seemed important. "Underwear."
"Nonsense. You are so much better looking naked, don't I keep telling you?" He scolded him teasingly, grinning a little. Wanting to make him laugh, honestly, because all he could hope for was that the blood was stilling.
"You are such a novice. You really shouldn't kill yourself before you've ever successfully killed anyone else. Amateur hour up in here."
"I suppose not." Xingchen giggled - maybe it was the blood loss or the whole horrible day but he couldn't help it. He heard people moving downstairs and he flinched. More people were in the house. How was he going to explain any of this to Song Lan? It was getting messy. Too messy. "They need to leave a note."
His eyes closed and he gulped, feeling himself getting fainter. "It's too messy now..."
"You are dumb as shit," Xue Yang said lovingly. Then he knew that Xiao Xingchen had passed out when he went slack in his arms. He was relieved when Wen Qing came in and he followed her instructions without hesitation, while threatening what he would do to her, her family and anyone she had ever cared about if she couldn't save Xiao Xingchen.
Luckily, she could. So Xiao Xingchen was bandaged up, dressed in fresh clothes, and tucked into bed.
Only the bed was Xue Yang's and Xue Yang was lying next to him, watching suspiciously, guarding him, waiting for him to wake back up.
Xingchen wasn't sure how it felt to still be alive. He was annoyed, of course, because now he had complications. He had to actually deal with things. He was a coward on top of everything else, apparently. But he wasn't sure how else he could escape Xue Yang.
And yet, all roads seemed to lead to Xue Yang.
He opened his eyes to soft light from a lamp and a horrible aching in his arms. He hissed in pain and turned, seeing Xue Yang there. Sitting, waiting, watching. "Hello." He raised his hands slowly and looked at the bandages curiously. "I'm alive then."
"Yeah. You're really bad with knives." That criticism was neither constructive nor meant to be, but Xue Yang felt like lecturing him a little, so he said it anyway. He also felt like holding him, so he put an arm around Xiao Xingchen, now that he was awake.
"So selfish. Don't you know I need you? Dying like that. It's no good." He had collapsed down into tears earlier today. Right now, that seemed far removed. Not long ago, he knew Meng Yao had tried to comfort him in vain.
"I am very selfish though. I cheat and I lie. I'm not a good person." He didn't know that about himself until he met Xue Yang. He wanted to be a better person, a nicer person, but he couldn't seem to get himself to be. He just kept making wrong move after wrong move. "I just wanted to not be here any more."
He hated himself so much, more than anyone else. He didn't even blame Xue Yang, he blamed himself. "Thank you for letting me leave my home. Did you leave a note?"
"Yao-ge's people fixed the place up. There won't be a trace." They had certainly dealt with messier scenes that had a lot more blood spilled, so Xue Yang had no reason to doubt their confidence. "Why are you thinking about that right now? Come on, baby. You need to think about me. Have I not saved you? Have I not brought you here and fixed everything? Don't you like me yet?"
Xingchen smiled, a little bit mischievous. The painkillers were doing something at least. He did feel more relaxed right now than he had in over a month. That's how long this whole mess had been dragging out. It was like going through hell and getting out the other side. "Why is it always me? You don't say enough nice words to me either." He was always mean. "I do like you. I like your hair and your pretty smile. I told you. Pretty demon."
"It's more important with me. Everyone says nice things about you. Doesn't matter so much. Don't I deserve to hear praise too? No woman took me up a mountain to make me special." He complained playfully, and he gently tugged on Xingchen's hair. "When you smile it is like the sun in shining. And no one compares with how you look. You are so good to fuck too, you feel amazing when I'm inside you."
"Yes but you know that you're handsome or you wouldn't walk like you do and talk like you do. You are all confident. You are darkness but you're warm. Burning, actually. You're too hot. I always get burned." Xiao Xingchen tried to explain as he moved so he was against Xue Yang again, hiding against him so it was hard for the other pull his hair. "You know you're cute, A-Yang."
He was A-Yang. He was a cute brat. And that cute brat ruined his life. He didn't know what was wrong with him but what else did he do? He just had to accept it.
"I am cute. Sometimes I get candy for it. Or pastries." It had worked significantly easier when he had been tiny, but he could still turn it on to great effect when he really wanted to. "You need to smile more again, you are prettier when you smile."
And why would he not be smiling? "I have had enough of it. Revenge. We are even." Or something. "So stop being like this. Just be with me."
It seemed like a reasonable request. "Never leave. I will take care of you, baby."
"Okay." Xingchen said with giggle, so high on his painkillers than it seemed like a great idea. They were even, it was over so he could just be loved now? Was that allowed? Was it okay? He just wanted it. He wanted it a lot. "Can you hold me then? If we're not angry. Can you hold me?"
He paused and then licked his lips, curious. "Can you cover my eyes?" It was always easier with it on.
"Don't want to see the cute demon?" Xue Yang teased him, but he also reached up to remove the band from his hair. While his hair fell down to his shoulders, he reached up and tied it around Xingchen's head expertly, barely needing any time to do so.
Then he moved so he was partially on top of him, all the better to hold him. Especially since he still felt so cool to the touch. He pressed his face against Xiao Xingchen's neck and wondered whether this could really be happening. Could someone like this really like him? It did not feel real.
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toxicbaes2025-04-10 09:08 pm
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"I'm a bad person. I'm really bad. I deserve to die. Let me die." He wanted to just stop hurting people. Even now, he hurt them but he didn't know what else to do.
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After all, he had reached out to him. "If you didn't want me, here, you'd not have said. Dumb fuck."
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"Why would you call a doctor? You wanted to destroy me above all. Corrupt me. Sanctimonious prick." So wasn't this winning? Wasn't he corrupted and ruined? He had broken every ethic and hurt every person he loved. He felt destroyed. "I don't want to go to hospital, please."
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There. He hugged him close and, gently, kissed his hair. "The doctor's coming here. No hospital."
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"My clothes are wet. I need new clothes..." That seemed important. "Underwear."
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"You are such a novice. You really shouldn't kill yourself before you've ever successfully killed anyone else. Amateur hour up in here."
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His eyes closed and he gulped, feeling himself getting fainter. "It's too messy now..."
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Luckily, she could. So Xiao Xingchen was bandaged up, dressed in fresh clothes, and tucked into bed.
Only the bed was Xue Yang's and Xue Yang was lying next to him, watching suspiciously, guarding him, waiting for him to wake back up.
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And yet, all roads seemed to lead to Xue Yang.
He opened his eyes to soft light from a lamp and a horrible aching in his arms. He hissed in pain and turned, seeing Xue Yang there. Sitting, waiting, watching. "Hello." He raised his hands slowly and looked at the bandages curiously. "I'm alive then."
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"So selfish. Don't you know I need you? Dying like that. It's no good." He had collapsed down into tears earlier today. Right now, that seemed far removed. Not long ago, he knew Meng Yao had tried to comfort him in vain.
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He hated himself so much, more than anyone else. He didn't even blame Xue Yang, he blamed himself. "Thank you for letting me leave my home. Did you leave a note?"
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Xingchen smiled, a little bit mischievous. The painkillers were doing something at least. He did feel more relaxed right now than he had in over a month. That's how long this whole mess had been dragging out. It was like going through hell and getting out the other side. "Why is it always me? You don't say enough nice words to me either." He was always mean. "I do like you. I like your hair and your pretty smile. I told you. Pretty demon."
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He was A-Yang. He was a cute brat. And that cute brat ruined his life. He didn't know what was wrong with him but what else did he do? He just had to accept it.
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And why would he not be smiling? "I have had enough of it. Revenge. We are even." Or something. "So stop being like this. Just be with me."
It seemed like a reasonable request. "Never leave. I will take care of you, baby."
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He paused and then licked his lips, curious. "Can you cover my eyes?" It was always easier with it on.
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Then he moved so he was partially on top of him, all the better to hold him. Especially since he still felt so cool to the touch. He pressed his face against Xiao Xingchen's neck and wondered whether this could really be happening. Could someone like this really like him? It did not feel real.
"Buy me candy soon," he demanded, "I deserve it."